Growing up, my mother always reminded me that I was Catholic, even though I never went to Sunday Mass a day in my life. My grandparents had me baptised when I was an infant, so that my soul would be saved lest I die in my sleep. But, I never had a true connection with Jesus, or religion throughout most of my life.
I was baptized, but I wasn’t saved.
One thing I found funny about “being Catholic” was that my family and I didn’t go to church. In fact, my father is a blatant atheist and I only remember two ocassions in which I even stepped foot in a church. Granted, I did know the Lord’s prayer and I knew that if I didn’t believe in Jesus, I’d go to Hell, but that was as far as religion went for me.
In high school, I would flip-flop between being Agnostic to believing to being a downright nay-sayer. (Although, I’ll admit bands like Deicide and Cannibal Corpse made me feel “icky” with their Satanistic following, so I refrained from listening to them, even though that’s what all the cool metal-heads did.)
But, you best believe I’ve read Anton LaVey’s Satanic Bible (Amazon Link) and thought it had some pearls of truth and wisdom. I mean, what teenager wouldn’t want to read a book that told them to be selfish and live for themselves?
Believing in Jesus Christ is Important for my growing Family
My fiance whole-heartedly believes in Christ and his teachings. He comes from a family that prays at the dinner table and he thanks Jesus when something good happens. It’s truly endearing.
And, I think he knew that I did not come from a place where Christ was in my heart, but that my heart was not closed. In fact, when we first began dating, I was still working on my anxiety. I used therapy and more alternative methods, such as meditating with crystals and using tarot – although I never saw it as “witchcraft” but as a means to get in touch with my spirituality.
Sometimes, all it takes is an invitation.
This past year he asked me to start going to church with him. He had recently started attending again and I was willing to go and put forth the effort and listen with an open heart. The series the church put on was called “Anxious for Nothing” (available to stream) and I was intrigued.
That week, I went to Barnes and Noble and bought my first bible so that I could familiarize myself with what this whole Christianity thing was about.
I found myself devouring select books in the back – specifically Phillipians (go figure) and Colossians. There were even times where I would start tearing up, to which my Fiance would explain it was the Word speaking to me.
Sometimes, you just need a miracle to know God is listening
As I was going to church with my Fiance every Sunday, I was really listening. I felt like I had better control of my anxiety, I wasn’t beating myself up as much, I was feeling hopeful and light.
Well, as I stated in my post, “I’m Pregnant!”, I had a serious conversation with God on my way to work. I simply poured my heart out and let Him know that George and I were ready to be parents. I felt that George would make a fantastic dad.
If He decided that we were ready, I told Him I would raise our baby to believe in Christ and to be faithful and most of all – kind.
And, my prayer was answered and we were given this opportunity to be parents. While it’s created some anxiety, I can’t tell you how much anxiety it’s actually alleviated.
I still have 85% of the bible to even read, but I’m glad that I’ve not only been given a family – I’ve been given my faith, too.
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